Much-Needed Divorce After 20 Years

So I ended my 20 year relationship with cigarettes 7 weeks, 4 days, and 15 hours ago. /cheer!

This was attempt number gazillion. I will say that I learned a little something from each previous attempt. Perhaps that's why they say most smokers take around 8 attempts before they can actually quit. Ok, so I'm past 8, but hey. This is the longest I have ever gone without smoking. The longest I ever quit for before was 5 days.

I had tried a smoking cessation class. They put you in a booth and make you smoke as many cigarettes as you can in like 10 minutes. So you leave the booth looking green and absolutely sick of cigarettes. By the time I left class and was walking to catch my bus, I was lighting up. I tried the patch. After two days, I looked like I had something contagious and the constant scratching in public didn't help. I tried the Buproprion and made it the 5 days. I tried the gum and it was a nice chew in between cigarettes. I tried cold turkey and that usually lasted less than a day.

One thing I have figured out is that cigarettes stunted my ability to handle stress. It's funny, because most of my friends and acquaintances would say I am stellar at it. But the reality is the cigarettes were my crutch, and I wasn't truly coping, and definitely not in a healthy way. I also used cigarettes as a reward system. Finished that unit of work - time for a cigarette break! It is insidious how cigarettes mess with your mind. The first week I quit, I was amazed at how many times my mind said "time for a cigarette!" and I'd have to remind myself "oh yeah, I don't smoke anymore."

So this time I went cold turkey and used the gum. I would have caved, but my oldest son gave me the strength. I guess it's like AA in which they tell you to turn yourself over to something bigger than yourself or something like that. (Apologies if I have that wrong as I have never been to AA). I do not subscribe to a higher power, but my love for my son became that for me. I didn't think my quitting would be on his radar much, but this is what he said to me: "If you quit smoking, that will be the best Christmas present ever!" Ok, he is 8 years old. I would expect him to think an XBox game or a Pokemon toy as the best present ever. All I can say is, after hearing that, I absolutely couldn't smoke again. I might as well poke his eyes out with a hot skewer if I take another puff. So whenever I felt weak, I just remembered my son's happy face that I had quit smoking and that gave me the strength I needed. A month after I had been smoke-free, I told him that his support had been the key to help me quit and thanked him. It meant the world to him. It's also given him an opportunity to see addiction up-close and I've told him how this drug still pulls at me. I hope it will help him to avoid ever trying some of the scary addictive drugs that our youngsters can face out there.

I still enjoy the smell of cigarettes as I walk by a smoker. I still have cravings too, though not as often. But I am now a non-smoker! No worries though, I won't become one of the militant ex-smoker crowd heh.

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